Considering Divorce? Four Questions You Should Ask Yourself First

11 September 2014
 Categories: Law, Articles

Making the decision to file for divorce typically comes after months or longer of struggles in a marriage. If you've been unhappy and your efforts to restore balance to your relationship have failed, you may find yourself considering the potential for divorce. Before you become one of the 40 percent of marriages ending in divorce in Canada, here are some things that you should consider.

Is There a Relationship to Save?

One of the first things that you need to consider before you file for divorce is if there any hope for the relationship at all. If you still love each other but find that you are struggling with the daily balance of the partnership, you may be able to salvage your relationship through communication and counseling.

In cases where the relationship was never truly a partnership at all, or there is no feeling of respect and commitment, filing for divorce may be the most viable option. The goal is to be sure that the relationship cannot be saved or you no longer want to save it before you take that step.

Are You Truly Ready for Divorce?

If you are one of those couples that turns to threats of divorce as a means to end an argument, it can be difficult to determine if you are truly ready for divorce or simply feeling an emotional reaction that you don't really intend to act on.

This can be one of the most difficult things to assess, because you have to be able to consider your emotions objectively, which can be difficult when you are upset. If you feel at peace with the idea of moving on and can see yourself starting a new life without your spouse, this is an indication that you may be ready to move on.

It's important that the decision be a logical one, not something you come to as an emotional reaction. If you file for divorce out of anger, you may struggle to release that anger once the process is over. You need to be sure that you have addressed the underlying issues and you are ready to move on before you take that final step.

Are Your Reasons for Divorce Clear?

Before you reach out to a divorce attorney, you need to be clear on the reason that you are seeking this determination. If you are hoping that filing for divorce will encourage your spouse to see things differently, treat you better, or make drastic changes, seeking a divorce will not help you.

The goal of divorce is to end a marriage. If this is not your ultimate goal, you should seek other means to repair your relationship. Make sure that your purpose is to be released from the marriage before you file.

Are You Prepared for the Emotional Aftermath?

Going into a divorce unprepared for what is to come will likely leave you struggling with the emotional difficulties that go with the process. Divorce will bring a lot of emotions to the surface, from grief and mourning to hurt feelings, loneliness and even feelings of inadequacy. You need to be not only prepared for these feelings, but equipped to deal with them so that they do not overtake you.

Do not be surprised to find yourself feeling a mixture of emotions throughout the process. Often, filing for divorce will leave you with internal emotional conflict, because you'll be struggling with emotional loss and the guilt of giving up on a partnership at the same time that you may be feeling betrayed by your spouse and eager to start over. Understand that these conflicting feelings are normal, and not something that you should feel ashamed of.

Thinking about these four questions will help you to understand not only if you are ready for divorce, but also if you are equipped to deal with the process. The better prepared you are before you actually file, the easier the process will be for you. Talk with a divorce attorney at firms like Kitchen Simeson Belliveu Family Lawyers about any concerns you may have to get expert advice about how to proceed.